Like a Virgin

Skin on Skin. Liberation. Intimacy. Feminism. Curiosity. Exploration. Freedom. Love.

A list of words my flat mates associate with sex. What I find crazy is that feminism is up there? Like just, what even. When I asked him why he used that word, he said

"because sex looks bad on girls but not on boys"

So my quick lil word association game made a very quick U-turn right back in the direction of my seminar this morning. Something that did make me hate men for like a good hour or so (and resulted in a 'gal power' playlist on Spotify) but I know that's only because I'm a woman. Most of us were women, I think there's two lads in my class? Idk. What I do know is that we were all v guilty of putting all men into the same pervy-sex-pest category if you like. I don't think I've ever asked a guy whether they've ever been sexually harassed, whereas some girls almost boast about it.

So instead of writing a blog about feminism and how wrongly we are done to (because don't get me wrong the world is still soooo backwards when it comes to women's rights but anyway) I'm going to write a blog based on men, and how their bodies can also very much be considered an object of sex.

Florian Hetz debuted his photobook 'The Matter of Abscence' that explores sex, intimacy, censorship and the Berlin Underground starting with the very early days of the personal discovery of his sexuality. The purpose of this book is to provide provocatively framed images of body parts and flesh whilst leaving the rest to our imaginations.

Random right? Wrong

To me these images objectify men in the same way that female figurative portraiture is objectified every single day. This book will have the shock factor to sum up the journey of a man's sexual desires and experiences over maybe the last two decades? It made me think of what I exploit with a man, what us girls gossip about when we're talking to, seeing even sleeping with a guy.

Is his penis big enough?

Has he got a good body?

Is he a good kisser?

Is he tall?

How can I stand here shouting for my rights, for lads to look beyond my bum and at my eyes and not my boobs when I could literally dismiss a guy based on his haircut.

Realistically, I'm not going to do that and whilst feminism is very much about both equal rights for men and women (if you don't get it then pls educate yourself) people tend to associate the whole concept of sexual harrassment/abuse/assault to do with women, inflicted on women, fought by women.

Whilst these images mean something else to Hetz, to me it shows how we can and do sexualise men as well. Would we really consider buying that David Beckham perfume for our boyfs if it wasn't for the man himself making us drool at our screens and somehow convince ourselves that this magical spray possesses powers to make our boyfriends as hot as Beckham???

No we wouldn't. Just as I probably wouldn't have appreciated the messy, natural eyebrows that the guy on the left has, coupled with his super long lashes makes me semi in love with him and semi jealous. The guy on the right, dribbling probably, but the slight gap between his lips, their slight up turn in the corners, the innocence of a fresh baby face regardless of the stubble on the end of his chin. Am I actually getting turned on by a chin?

Hetz does not only himself justice (if I was to observe this from the narrative of his self-discovery story) but he does all men justice, he made someone like me, who's been angered by men wolf-whistling and slowing down their cars besides me for countless years, reconsider how I'm actually treating men when it comes to physical preferences, sexual ones, I should know what I want without looking at their body or how straight their teeth are if I don't want them to judge me on the size of my breasts.

Double standards is what I'm getting at, I guess. "because sex looks bad on girls and not boys" isn't a good enough answer anymore. Get to know each other, respect people regardless of whether this is walking down the street or in the club, focusing on aesthetics when you've not been given the full portrait will get neither men or women anywhere in the battle for equal rights.

Sex. Equality. Respect.