What I really want to write for my essay

So we all know that snotty, i-know-what-im-talking-about voice we put on in our essay writing. Whether you're still learning the rules of the game or you're already winning, I thought I'd share my version of a photo analysis essay that I'd hand in to uni if we lived in an ideal world. One where sarcasm and sass was on the mark scheme.

This is the image I was given. Paolo Roversi is one of my all time fave fashion photographers so my smile was from ear to ear when this was wafted in front of me. The model is Kristen McMenamy and the shoot was for 2010 Vogue Italia.

Tbh, the first thing I'd say is, it looks like I'm looking at it with no glasses on. Like I'm semi blind, trying to focus on the beautiful figure in front of me but failing miserably. Losing pretty details in the process. Don't get me wrong tho Roversi's use of bokeh adds another story to the image. Truth is the whole breast groping, staring at the camera and the elongated, curve enhancing posture makes this dark grungy cold look a little bit spicy. Like, I can just imagine some absolute sex god, storming some mansion somewhere after some Great Gatsby party looking for this absolute razza.

(razza is stoke slang for hot af if you didn't know, some northern lingo for u)

You can almost imagine Beyonce bursting through the room chanting about he don't love you like I love you adding more collateral damage aside from the already fallen chandelier that I'm assuming is to the side of her.

Pretending to be the girl next door but really being the girl you wished you'd never met. We all know at least one psycho girlf.

It's like Gossip Girl takes on Edwardian evening dresses. Rocking up in a beaded/over sequinned dress being 100% in touch with your femininity but also trying to get as many boy conquests under your belt as possible. If I touch my boob a lil more will he think I'm mature enough? Cool enough?